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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23279662">Five Stages Of Grief</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/antisocialishwrites/pseuds/antisocialishwrites'>antisocialishwrites</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Avenger Loki (Marvel), Childbirth, Depressed Loki (Marvel), Depressing, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Five Stages of Grief, Grief/Mourning, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Major Character Injury, Major Character Undeath, Post-Loss, Single Parents, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 09:40:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,595</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23279662</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/antisocialishwrites/pseuds/antisocialishwrites</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki loses his life at the hands (literally) of the Mad Titan, saving everything he cares about - his brother, his people. And most importantly, his wife and child. He doesn’t realize that in saving her, he breaks her. To care for their child, she must learn to build herself back together.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Loki (Marvel)/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Five Stages Of Grief</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Thanos is coming.</em>
</p><p>The thought couldn’t stop playing over in your head. You had known from the moment Loki had walked in the room - his skin was paler than usual, his eyes widened and shining with genuine fear, his hands were shaking, and his breath was uneven. Loki could normally conceal his emotions, but the fear that Thanos invoked in him was beyond the trickster’s control. The panic in his eyes was only a look you saw when he woke from his nightmares.</p><p>      “Loki, what’s happened?” You rose from the bed as you asked him, knowing the answer but in disbelief. </p><p>      “He’s coming… he… he’s here…” </p><p>      “Thanos?”</p><p>      Loki nodded. If not for the sounds of Asgardians screaming and running beginning to increase, you could’ve heard his quickened heartbeat. He walked to you, Loki’s shaking hands calming faintly once they were entwined with yours. </p><p>      “He found us… the tesseract lead him to us… <em>I</em> lead him to us… I’m so sorry, Y/N… I’m so indescribably sorry…” He shut his eyes as he spoke, as though not wanting you to see the trepidation that his eyes beheld. Loki took in a shaky breath as he slowly opened his eyes to look into yours, one of his hands leaving yours to cup your cheek.</p><p>      “I love you so much, my darling.” Loki’s hand came to rest on your slightly rounded stomach. “And our little one. I have to keep the two of you safe, as well as our people. Thor’s already out there fighting, and Brunnhilde is evacuating whoever she can. I’d bring you to her, but Thanos wants me, and I can’t have him hurt you if he discovers my location just yet. Find Brunnhilde, she’ll make sure you’re safe. I’m going to go help Thor, he doesn’t know who he’s dealing with.”</p><p>      “Promise me you’ll come back?”</p><p>      “Faster than you can say my name.” He spoke reassuringly before adding, trying to help you feel secure and content. “Besides, I’ve escaped death twice, this time it shall be no different.” </p><p>      “I love you,” You kissed his cheek, making him crack a smile. “Always.”</p><p>      “I love you too, my dear.” Loki pulled you against him, kissing you deeply and passionately as if he’d never get the chance again. His hands roamed over your body, down your arms and back and waist. Not sensually, no. It was as though Loki was taking in the feeling of you for the last time. A tear rolled down the god’s cheek at the thought of that being true. He didn’t want to tell you how certain he was that it would be. </p><p>      When Loki’s soft yet desperate lips finally parted from yours, he pulled you even closer as he buried his head in your shoulder, a few more tears rolling down your husband’s cheeks. Your arms were around him tightly while he took in the scent of you. You could hear Loki’s breath hitch, a hint that he was on the verge of sobbing. He knew he was going to and swiftly pulled away, wiping his tears before you could even lift your gaze to his eyes.</p><p>      Loki knelt down, kissing your stomach where his and your child grew, murmuring something to it that you couldn’t quite hear as the cries for help grew louder beyond your room. Once he stood, he stared at you, struggling to pull himself away from you and longing to be closer rather than needing to leave. He kept staring at you as he backed out of the room, for the sight of you was calming him, allowing him to gain enough composure to put on a deceiving mask of confidence that he so very lacked knowing Thanos was aboard.</p><p>      You grabbed one of Loki’s Sakaarian daggers from his nightstand in the event that you run into Thanos or the Black Order, Thanos’s children. It would barely do any good, given their level of skill was much greater than yours, even with all of the training you had partaken in with Loki, but you figured there was a chance that it could be helpful. You could hear your heart’s intense thrumming in your chest as you stepped out of your room and into the chaotic fighting ahead. </p><p>      Brunnhilde was nowhere to be found. <em>Hopefully she’s safe with the other  Asgardians. </em>You quickly discovered that the other Asgardians had not been as lucky as her. They were scattered across the ground, coated with the stench of the blood that seemed to be everywhere. Broken parts of the ship scattered the floor. The ones left alive barely passed as alive.</p><p>       <em>Heimdall.</em> For once, he appeared defeated. His sword was just out of reach, he seemed unable to move to it. He looked up, and you could’ve sworn there was a spark of hope in his eyes, like a distraction from the strife in the distance, now narrowed down to less than twenty including both sides of the fight. <em>Was Loki there?</em> Anxiety came over you at the thought, worsening from being too far away to tell. But Heimdall kept looking at you, so you ran over, kneeling down next to him.</p><p>      “Don’t linger here to save me,” He breathed, each word labored. “Take the sword, it’ll help you end this madness quicker than a dying man.”</p><p>      With hesitation and a shaky hand, you took the sword. There was a voice you had never heard that caught your attention, deep and dreadful, before Heimdall whispered a single word, both a command and a plea.</p><p>      “Hide.”</p><p>      You did. There was a pile of broken parts from the ship in the corner that you stealthily sprinted to and hid behind. Cries were heard as more Asgardians fell. The voice became louder as they neared but they passed you without a glance. </p><p>      “Hear me, and rejoice.” You watched as Heimdall reached out to the inhumanly pale, skinny, humanoid being that the voice belonged to, a weak attempt to stop him before the Gatekeeper’s hand dropped. “You have had the privilege of being saved by the Great Titan… You may think this is suffering… no. It is <em>salvation</em>. Universal scales tip toward balance because of your sacrifice.”</p><p>      An Asgardian cried out in pain as Corvus Glaive - another member of the Black Order, which you presumed the person preaching was from as well - plunged his blade through them. You flinched as their body slid off the long blade, leaving a coating of thick blood on the metal before they dropped to the ground. </p><p>      “Smile. For even in death, you have become children of Thanos.” You gulped, not wanting that title for yourself. As he stepped closer into the light, the other members of the Black Order standing around someone parted away.</p><p>      Then you saw him. Loki.<em> He’s there… he’s right there… surrounded by them!</em><em> He could be in danger… </em>Your anxiety climbed further. His hands were shaking, but nobody seemed to notice. You wanted to run to him, to pull him away from where he stood with his abusers - the most horrifying one, Thanos, picking up Thor by his breastplate in the distance as he spoke.</p><p>      “I know what it’s like to lose. To feel so desperately that you’re right… yet to fail, nonetheless.” Thanos walked closer to Loki with Thor in his grasp, blood pooling at his mouth as he groaned in pain. Loki’s gaze lifted to the Mad Titan’s before he glimpsed at his brother, pain flashing in his eyes. “It’s frightening. Turns the legs to jelly. I ask you, to what end? Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same. And now, it’s here. Or should I say… <em>I </em>am.”</p><p>      “You talk too much…” Thor managed to speak, panting from his wounds and efforts to save his people. It was useless, and Thanos ignored the Asgardian king, his gaze fixed on the trickster god.</p><p>      “The Tesseract, or your brother’s head. I assume you have a preference.”</p><p>      “Oh, I do. Kill away.” <em>No! Loki wouldn’t! </em>One of Loki’s greatest lies had always been hatred towards his brother. He would help him no matter what, he proved it when he followed him to fight Malekith, then Hela years later. Thanos showed no hesitation, pressing the violet, bright power stone to Thor’s temple, evoking a hoarse scream from the god. Loki’s cool demeanor began to crack, and quickly broke wholly. “Alright, stop!”</p><p>       “We don’t have the Tesseract… it was destroyed on Asgard.” Thor rasped, and Loki averted his gaze - knowing something Thor didn’t. Loki took in a breath, then lifted his hand into the air, revealing the tesseract. Horror settled into your stomach. Loki looked like he wanted to shut his eyes at Thor’s next comment. “You really are the worst brother.”</p><p>      “I assure you, brother… the sun will shine on us again…” Loki held the Tesseract out to Thanos as he stepped forward, his voice assuring but strained as though he was trying to not let his confidence waver.</p><p>      “Your optimism is misplaced, Asgardian.” Thanos did not yet take the Tesseract, although his gaze had flickered to the glowing, blue cube. </p><p>      “Well, for one thing, I’m not Asgardian.” By now, you realized Loki had been stalling Thanos. For what? What was he trying to buy time for? “And for another, we have a Hulk.”</p><p>      Your thoughts were interrupted by a deafening roar as a large, green figure practically threw himself at the Mad Titan, ready to pummel him mercilessly. Loki dodged, getting Thor away from the brawl in the process and Loki… disappeared. The only way to go find him would be to get past Thanos - who was currently busy fighting back - and the Black Order. Nearly impossible. You decided it wouldn’t be smart, you could have blown Loki’s cover if you tried.</p><p>      You instead made sure you were hidden behind the pile, shutting your eyes tightly as tumultuous roars and thuds and metal slamming against metal reverberated throughout the room. You didn’t even open your eyes when the final thud came. Only once you heard Thor scream out, <em>NO!</em>, for many long seconds, you turned to see what his reaction was from. </p><p>      Thanos had driven Corvus Glaive’s blade into Heimdall’s chest. Heimdall stared upwards, his jaw loosening from the tightness it had at the initial pain of the wound. You wanted to scream, to use the sword he gave you to destroy the Titan. Cut him to pieces and cast them to space. Make the Black Order scared without their leader, destroy them too.</p><p>      But you held in your screams. You restrained from wielding the Gatekeeper’s sword and laying your vengeance upon them. Your fear was stronger than your anger. And your intelligence was stronger than your impulses - Loki had taught you that. <em>Think smart, think quick, think logical. Not impulsively, it could cost you your life. </em>And now, it could have costed your child’s life too. Any scream, any screech from a shift in the metal, could have revealed you. Could have made you next to die.</p><p>      “You are going to die for that!” Thor yelled, anguish in those blue eyes as he remained bound by metal debris. But he could not yell much more, not as the scrawny, pale Child of Thanos raised a finger to his own mouth to signal silence, and more metal debris muzzled him.</p><p>      After the metal was secured on Thor’s mouth, he then kneeled before Thanos, Tesseract in his hand outstretched to Thanos. It was a gift. No. An offering. An offering, to someone the Black Order considered god-like. “My humble personage bows before your grandeur. No other being has ever had the might, nay the nobility, to wield not one, but two Infinity Stones. The universe lies within your grasp.”</p><p>      You could have sworn Loki - if he was close enough to hear - cringed. Years and years ago, he wielded the scepter that contained the Mind Stone <em>and</em> had secured the Tesseract. Even if this was occurring from Thanos’s will, it was <em>Loki’s</em> accomplishment. Having another accomplishment, whether it be good or bad, ripped away from him so someone else can have the glory, was something he had long since been tired of.</p><p>      Thanos took the Tesseract, his large fist compressing it enough to make it shatter in his grasp, exposing the Space Stone. Beautifully blue and glowing, it cast a bright tint on Thanos’s purple face. He let the fragments of the Stone’s encasement tumble from his palm in order to just hold the Stone itself. A surge of energy rocked the Mad Titan as he placed the blue stone next to the violet one, the Power Stone that sat in the gold crater/divet on his index finger.</p><p>      “There are two more stones on Earth.” He took in a breath, then turned to his Children. “Find them, my children, and bring them to me on Titan.”</p><p>       One, with a malicious, dark gaze and twin black horns that adorned her head, kneeled before Thanos. “Father, we will not fail you.”</p><p>       “If I might interject,” You knew that voice.<em> Loki. </em>Panic flashed in Thor’s eyes, he knew this couldn’t end well. Loki sounded too cheery, too calm and collected. Like he didn’t want to seem intimidated. Like he didn’t want to seem afraid. Like he knew what he was doing. Did he? What if he knows he’ll die and he’s doing it anyway? <em>If he gets himself killed…</em></p><p>      You didn’t want to think about it.</p><p>      “If you’re going to Earth, you might want a guide. I do have a bit of experience in that arena.” Loki wore a proud smile. Too proud. Too self-assured.</p><p>      Thanos seemed unimpressed despite the pride. “If you consider failure experience.”</p><p>      Loki scowled. “I consider <em>experience</em>, experience.” He then took a step toward Thanos as he continued, “ Almighty Thanos, I… Loki… Prince of Asgard… “</p><p>      A glance to Thor, the Trickster’s eyes softened. “Odinson.”</p><p>      He glanced at you, seeing the horror and dread on your expression as you stared back into his beautiful eyes. Loki opened his mouth before closing it, realizing it would be best to not refer to himself as a husband and future father. He wanted you to be kept safe. He looked back at the Mad Titan, his words caught in his throat at knowing you would have to see his demise mere feet away. The pride had faltered, his eyes now showing sorrow.</p><p>      “The rightful King of Jotunheim… God of Mischief…” Thor’s eyes narrowed on Loki, as though watching something appear or change.<em> What was he doing? </em>“do hereby pledge to you, my undying fidelity.”</p><p>In one swift movement, Loki stabbed upward with expert precision. But it wasn’t enough. You watched in horror as Loki’s arm and the dagger remained frozen, the gauntlet that the Mad Titan wore balled into a fist. “Undying,” Thanos mused over the word before his tone darkened. “You should choose your words more carefully.”</p><p>      <em>No.</em></p><p> Thanos twisted the dagger out of Loki’s hand, letting it drop without care. Loki’s eyes were wide, and once Thanos was done with the dagger, his hand wrapped around Loki’s neck.</p><p>      <em>No-</em></p><p>He lifted Loki to eye level as he struggled, thrashing violently in the Mad Titan’s grip. There was no mercy in his eyes, no emotion, not as he tightened his grip on your husband-to-be’s neck.</p><p>     <em>NO-</em></p><p>   “You… will never be… a god…” Loki choked out. Thanos’s only response was increasing the tightness of his grip, crushing his neck. The sound of his neck snapping was the most horrifying thing you’d ever heard.</p><p>      And the scream that you had held back finally broke loose.</p>
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